Wednesday, January 28, 2009

coming to a hault

it has been a long day la.. lots of things came up.... but lately, these few days, i've been worried about the same thing.. having the same question coming up to me almost everynight... my a-level is coming to an end this coming june... and june is just a couple of months away... i have to start my planning everything, what to do, how to get there and ways to get to what i would be doing 5 months from now... it's already a known fact that my family is having a financial crisis, having my father's business to drop from bad to worst... my dream has always to be a pilot.. it has always been my dream since i was in form 2... but now, its not that i've forgone that dream and ambition of mine, but i don think that i am up to the standard to be a pilot... i've tried going for the test and everything, but i've seen people, much older than i am, smarter than i am, and wanting it so much more than i do... i donno... i just see my dream shattering into pieces.... i then have the thoughts of becoming a cabin crew... i know that i might be able to get in, as i have that confidence as i don see much problem in it... but, there comes another problem... all my family members wanted me to be a pilot so badly, having such high hopes, having to thought that i would definitely becoming a pilot.... when i just jokingly told my sis about what if i go into becoming a cabin crew instead of a pilot, she just stared at me with the very stern face, and giving me a big NO... i'm worried.. i'm scared... of all the people in my family, she's the one who're the easiest to accept things and have a very open mind... but now, she said no to me... what if i would have directed the question towards my parents?? they would have just broke down with disappointment knowing that i might not be able to make it... i am just worried and all lost now... someone, please... enlighten me... tell me what to do... teach me...
all worried, lost

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

SCREW UP DAY

today is just the worst day of the week... its damn sucky that every freaking thing that i do would end up fucked-up! first, my favourite pen, BROKE!! it just freaking fell down from the freaking table in the lecture hall.. i left it in a safe position but somehow, someway, it just freaking rolled down the table, and walla, there goes my favourite pen... so FUCKED IT... then, in exam, someone, my so called good friend, needed my help, so i helped in... but, in return, when i needed some help, he freakingly shouted at me... you bastard, do keep one thing in mind.. i don need you in order to pass my exam or whatsoever... even if i fail, i would just let it happen with dignity, and not letting you scold me.. so, FUCK YOU!! then, in the office, i was just invisibly labelled as INVISIBLE!! FUCK EVERYTHING, FUCKER!
i have my temper, DON MESS WITH ME!

Monday, January 19, 2009

don ask

test just ended... SUCKY!! anyway, time is getting shorter, everything seems to be going off track.. i am sick... there're just a lot for me to blog now, but have no freaking idea how to put it into words... i want to scream out loud...

Friday, January 16, 2009

fly day

where you go??? i miss you so.... anyway, its not for that nlsw... definitely not, bast*rd... haha, loser ~ its finally friday, but then, will be having extra class tomorrow... so sucky... the day for the release of my results is freaking near, and i am about to pee in my pants... gawd... ~_~
first kill, then rape
first rape, then kill

Thursday, January 15, 2009

idiot who is acting smart

yes, and again... i am emo no for no specific reason that i know of... its just sucky... and nlsw, its non of my business whether u're gay or straight or bi or even about to become a tran... don bug me about who is disturbing who, as its not my business... i donno and i don care, ok?!?! bloody shit!! my hair cut is rather sucky, alright?!?!
best not to mess with me

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

B-ritney

its just so sucky to know that someone has just been using u as a tool to get to another or just a way to get away from something...

this is for u, sucker!

Superstar Where you from, how's it going?

I know you Gotta clue, what you're doing?

You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here

But I know what you are, what you are, baby

Look at you Gettin'

more than just re-up

Baby, you Got all the puppets with their strings up

Fakin' like a good one, but I call 'em like I see 'em I know what you are,

what you are, baby

*

Daddy-O You got the swagger of champion

Too bad for you

Just can't find the right companion

I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard It could be easy

Who you are, that's who you are, baby

Lollipop Must mistake me you're a sucker

To think that I Would be a victim not another

Say it, play it how you wanna

But no way

I'm ever gonna fall for you, never you,

baby

You ain't gonna use anymore, sucker!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

when its all gone

sometimes life are just not to get what you want, but to be able to appreciate what you can get... its just hard to believe that you're about to leave, for a long period... its not like, you're leaving for a week then you'll be back permanently, but its the other way round.. its just hard to accept the fact... exam is coming up, your departure, and the interview... i am really scared and all the confidence i had just went down the drain.. i want it very badly, but i am just worried that i might flung the interview, and there goes my dream... roommate hasn't even been contributing, but to just add on to my problem... what is it so nice about playing poker that you'll have to involve me??? just leave me alone, will you?? damn it!
holding on for now, but not long

Thursday, January 8, 2009

i do

love is about forgiving and sharing and tolerating and i know... i know that... but for myself, i need my lover to be the one who will be with me physically when i am in need... its just hard to not have your someone special when you're unhappy and are desperate to find someone to talk to... love is more than just a word... love is more than just to be said... but i really love you...
my one, my love

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

silenced me

silence is golden, and it is A MUST to accept this fact... hurray... and walla, i will remain silence... today has been a hectic day... tiring class, lots of homework, test coming up, going to work (again) and having to put up with someone saying something bad, about my physical appearance, the ugliness of it, the awkwardness of it, AGAIN... great, right??
wish you're just here with me

poker? i doubt

it has been a torture for 2 nights, and guess what, i was able to sleep last night, but only for 5-6 hours...
the sleep was fine, but not my room mate...
i've got a new room mate after KC left college last year...
this new guy is fine...sociallable...and ok la...
BUT
of the 2 nights of both of us staying together, he has been gambling/playing poker for 2 nights consecutively....
and it was until 1 in the morning!!!
its like, HELLO!! ARE YOU CRAZY OR SOMETHING?!?
i don enjoy playing poker and you guys somehow wants me to join in the "fun" and the game went on till early midnight?!?!
its just so sucky...
i wanted to tell him how i felt but then, don feel like making everyone unhappy and all that...
*sigh*
someone please tell me something to stop it

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

hard time

it has been 2 nights since i've got a proper sleep... i have no idea why is it so, but i just kept waking up in the middle of the night and its just hard to get back to sleep.. and worst, have neck stiff now... something must be wrong...
something's about to happen

Monday, January 5, 2009

painful death

college life just somehow resume after a long break... i had some hard time going to bed yesterday night.. it was just like some very bad torture and i was so scared to return to class as i wasnt much prepared... i donno.. results will be out real soon... only few weeks to that... my God... what if its suckier than what i've expected? and guess what, i've got a great start in college... with nose blocked and feeling giddy... way to go people!
waiting is painful

Friday, January 2, 2009

what a great start...

ok, i am so going to complain about the commuter in malaysia... its pure LAME and SUCKY and SO NOT PUNCTUAL... i waited for an hour just for a train, a freaking train from kepong central to mid valley, and it was like, so close... damn it... its like, HELLO PEOPLE, I PAY FOR THAT FREAKING SERVICE AND THEY'RE TELLING ME THAT THEY HAVE CONTINUOUS TECHNICAL ERROR FOR A FREAKING HOUR AND NO ONE CAN FIX IT?!?!?! MALAYSIA BOLEH PEOPLE!! anyway, this year, its just ok... on new year eve, kelvin's grandpa passed away, and my condolence to him and his family... i am sorry about the loss and i know exactly how it felt like.... and, kenn, i am sorry about not going to the clubbing thing... i am really broke lately... sorry... class is so going to resume, and i am so scared...